Interview with a Man EaterI am writing a story. I have no idea how good it'll be nor how complete. The characters are blurs to me even though this is an AU and they have personalities already; I digress, it's an AU. I'm basing the story off of two or three songs so even where this is going from where I started is unclear. I thought I'd talk to the most distinguished character of my story to find out more about him.
Resident Monster - Interview 1
Hada-da-Demon: Thank you for joining me today, Arthur Kirkland. It's an honor.
Arthur Kirkland: I had nowhere else to be at the moment. Alfred's still in school right now.
HdD: Right. Don't you go to school, too?
AK: Not really. The place bores me senseless but, if I really have to find someone I'll go.
HdD: I see. Who do you usually hang out with or go to school to talk to?
AK: Well, there's the Twat Trio. They're always good for a few chuckles or information-
HdD: "Twat Trio"? *cringes*
AK: Yeah, you already know them: Frog Face, Bird Man, and Tomato-Cute-Fetish.
HdD: Ah... Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio. Can I ask what information you get from them?
AK: Let's say I don't just eat anybody. *crosses arms*
HdD: *perks up* Oh! Now, there's something. You say you eat...people?
AK: Indeed. I'm a cannibal in case you hadn't noticed.
HdD: *frowns* Sorry, it's not like I have all the answers yet.
AK: Hmm... Well, you should. *raises eyebrow*
HdD: ANYWAY~ how long have you been a cannibal?
AK: I don't quite remember but it's been going on for quite a while.
HdD: Interesting. Tell me, do you sometimes have veg or fruits?
AK: I don't care for vegetables much, but fruit have a certain structure that attracts me on occasion.
HdD: Oh~ This means you're able to eat regular food-
AK: No shit.
HdD: -was trying to say that I thought it might do something to you if you did. Considering how your diet consists mainly of-
AK: Criminals, sluts, and anyone who ticks me off.
HdD: *shifts uncomfortably* Shall we move on?
AK: *scary smile* I think that'd be best.
HdD: Let's see... *thinks* What is your relationship with Alfred like?
AK: I'm not going to be subjected to feminine talk show questions am I?
HdD: Oh, no. It just seems...sketchy, undefined...I don't want to cross any lines with my other questions about Alfred. Plus, readers are curious folk.
AK: Hmm, indeed they are. Alfred and I, we are...perhaps, companions. I show up, he talks to me, we "hang out" where we like and that's that.
HdD: So, would you consider Alfred your friend?
AK: Oh, I don't know about that. *smirks* I have something different in mind. Many things, actually, but I'd rather not tell.
HdD: *wide eyes* Intruiging. One thing that I'm dying to know but am embarrassed to ask, "are you human?"
AK: That all depends on your perception of my character. Humans see humanity in things inhuman after all.
HdD: *frowns* Quite true. Being a cannibal, though, makes you a danger to other humans.
HdD: Is there a reason why Alfred hasn't been harmed or keeps associating with you?
AK: Your guess is as good as mine on why he keeps coming back. I have my suspicions but they're silly notions, really.
AK: I've had my moments where Alfred has been injured because of me but it wasn't entirely my fault. There were other issues occuring at the time.
HdD: That should be enlightening for our readers, come next update. One last question for you.
AK: *checks watch* Make it quick. People may think of me as a punk but I'm never late.
HdD: Right, here goes.
HdD: I've mentioned to my readers that you have peircings. Can you us tell where all of them are located?
AK: I have three cartilage and a guage in my right ear, two cartilage and a gauge in my left. I also have my right eyebrow and lip piercings.
HdD: Wow! You've had some work done. *narrows eyes* Are you sure you named off ALL of your piercings?
AK: Oh, look at the time. I must be going. *gets up to leave*
HdD: I'M ON TO YOU, KIRKLAND! *shakes fist*
HdD: Thanks for reading this character interview with Arthur Kirkland: star of the fic-in-progress, Resident Monster, and cannibal!punk extrordinaire.